Since I've quitted my job and it's the end of exams, I am too free.
I've spent whole day at home, not getting anywhere.
Patiently and spending all my time making pouches for people.
From designing to measuring the cloth and sewing, I put in every effort.
Fingers are becoming sore and red and my back's hunching, but I didn't complain.

However, nobody is even asking of me and asking me out for the least bit.
All the while I've been initiating, and getting rejected.
What do people do when I am so lost and alone?
Nothing.


---
this world has got no hope, no trust, no believe, no love.

[ 爱为何填不满又掏不空？ ]
Quoted from an ex-schoolmate's msn pm.

Interesting, ain't it? =x

Today is the last official day of school. PROJECTS ALL CLEAR. ^^
I need to work extra hard for the two papers. And CNY is around the corner~ Should plan up a few stuff to do for the next few days since I won't be able to celebrate.

Happy Valentine's Day too. Both occasions fall on the same day. But it won't make any difference. :)

你知道，

刘德华 唱的 《男人哭吧不是罪》，是2000年由郑则仕、李若彤、严宽、耿乐主演的电视连续剧《奇人奇案》(又名《捉鬼手记》)的主题曲。

让我想起了正在读中学的时候，每天放学我没事，一定会赶回家追看这部重播的剧情。
也让我想起了他。 因为，他是我认识的人当中，惟一也看过我小时候看过的节目。当然也包括这部连续剧。

那时在很漫长的夜里，聊得很随机，很久又无聊的话题。可是那时的我们好像都很开心。
不说不知，他和我曾经有很多的共同点。

---

Yesterday, 5 Feb

IDGD Assignment 2 is doneee! :)
Reunion dinner @ Tampines round market with LT, LY, KweeH, Keith, Casper, Serene, Jasky and Octopus.

---

Today, 6 Feb

Shoeboxproj @ Whampoa.
Enjoyed myself. :)
Went with YS and her classmates, and they were friendly.
The kids were nice too. If the place isn't that far from home, I would have considered volunteering there permanently. Father drove me there this morning, if not, I would have been late.

On my way home, junior called and we met up to return uniform together. I felt sour when I saw LY helping both me and junior to do the resignation form. 11 months of memory officially comes to an end. No point to drag further. The more I hold on, the more I am actually torturing myself.

She said she was sad. But some thoughts came up to me: Really? I don't feel wanted to be around and you don't need us to be there. You still have the others. You're having fun yourselves without having 'us' around.

Given I've seen the many outings pictures they took. And because of some incidents that happened before, LY gave me the impression that she's always making assumption instead of clarifying misunderstandings.

Quitting ETP perhaps is a new start. At least, those dozing-off-during-classes days won't happen again and I will have alot more time for myself. The job, I must admit, is the place where I have been trying to divert my attention away from reality for the past 11 months.

---

Little did I expect things to turn out like that.

Before poly started for me, I joined the freshmen orientation, and it really turned out well. It really brought up my mood. Things were exciting and I felt a gush of enthusiasm, anticipated for school to start immediately.

Time passes by fast, and soon my first semester started. I tried to fit in with everyone. I did stuff like getting my classmates to exchange contacts, joining my diploma club and a cca which I thought would be fun.

Maybe, it's always fresh for a start. Then, I don't know what happened. I always tried to put on my best front before people, considering others before myself etc. But, I still get despised. What I get in return is people's change of attitude. Gradually, I found myself running away from everything and everyone, leaving the responsibility behind.

People who passed by in this life. Although I have been calling out to them, they will never appear again.

I am getting worsen each time. My pride, the feeling of wanting to win and the fact that I can no longer focus like how I did in the past is making me breathless. In addition, I am suffering from slight memory loss. I forget alot of things no matter how many times they were repeated. Who knows, what else will surface in the future. I only wish for the better.